Serendipity

Ahhhhhhh Spring. There is something about it that makes you want to lie on a blanket outside. Read a really good book. Be nice to ants. Enjoy the sun before it gets really hot. You love the blue of the sky, the green of the grass. If only the kids could enjoy it without you having to be involved.

Sometimes, I wish they would just leave me alone. Not forever. Not even all day. Just for a couple of hours. They don’t even need to do anything… I just need to not have to look after them or think about them for a while. I’m sitting here, trying to think of an awesome topic for this column, but I can’t concentrate because my 5 year old son is wriggling around on the couch, fidgeting while watching TV. I want to believe that he will be distracted long enough for me to write something, but it’s not his attention levels that are the problem, its mine.

I am a mum, a student, a casual employee and sometimes, a crazy person. To be all those things to all people requires a bit of creativity. I don’t consider myself a creative person... Creative people have art studios and flowing floral clothes, smell like paint and incense and feel at peace with the world. I am more like the Mad Hatter – fumbling through the demands of housework, limiting the therapy my kids will need when they grow up, handing in assignments late and creating a social life out of school pick-ups and weekend work.

It really is a wonder I get anything done.

You quickly learn to take advantage of whatever time you have. You know you are a busy mum when your one goal for the morning is to be on the 8:30am train to work, after having dumped your kids at school or kindy. Once you collapse onto the seat, you know the hardest part of the day is done, and no matter what happens at work, you have succeeded. You are a success. You made the train.

At home, you get caught up in all those things that you have to do: Laundry, dishes, bathroom. Remembering to feed the fish – but checking he’s still alive first. You get creative in cleaning the armpits of your hubby’s work shirts at midnight, so he has something clean to wear the next day. Lunches are made during your morning coffee when your eyes are hardly open. You let your kids wear tracksuit pants and a T-shirt to bed, and then decide the next morning that they look clean enough to wear for the school drop-off, after a stain check of course! Yes, these ARE signs of creativity, not laziness.

I love Serendipity. I love the intricacies of life. Synchroncity. Fate. The Universe. It's fascinating. It's all maths. It's all a balancing act. How can I lose? I have to admit I get cranky when I'm trying to read or write something, and someone needs a sandwich. Geeeez, didn't I do that 10 minutes ago? Or was it yesterday?

And in this rush to get things done, and do things I want to do - I forget my serendipitous little man on the couch. Warmer weather is coming - time to get outside and enjoy Spring :)

Serendipity is my new column in the new Hazed e-mag, available September 1st. See Hazel Loves Design for more information - You'll find a link in my Favourite Blogs list...

Hazed Magazine - read it here!!!

A tangled Web

I've been pretty immersed in Tudor England for a while - it all began with reading those fantastic novels by Philippa Gregory - From the perspectives of the Yorks and then Tudors during the War of the Roses, through the wives of Henry VIII and now I'm up to The Virgin's Lover, about Elizabeth I and Lord Robert Dudley.

I've been watching the Tudors and am caught up in Jonathan Rhys Meyer's Henry VIII and right now, I'm sitting here watching Elizabeth - with the beguiling Cate Blanchett.

I am slowly recognising the royal lines - not for any important reason.. but its fascinating. The closest I have found my tree to the Tudors is that one of my Cooke predecessors was christened in a church in Lambeth, London. And in the Tudors, Katharine of Aragon visited a church in Lambeth. Yeah, a tenuous connection at best hahaha. I wonder what my ancestors were doing then? I think that strain was from Lincolnshire... what would they be doing in Lambeth? I wonder which side they were on?


If they were peasants (Cooks? Though, Smother still believes she is of blue blood.. and related to Captain Cook. She also thinks she was Cleopatra in a past life and I was her slave... yeah don't get me started.. but wouldn't it make more sense that she was MY slave, and is reaping the benefits now?) I wonder where or how they lived. The information is out there... I just need the time. Fascinating :)


I wonder what their religion was?.... as far as I know we are from Catholic stock... And if they chopped and changed to save THEIR heads?

Religion is crazy. I believe in Faith. I believe in God- one God (I think of it more as the universe) perceived hundreds of different ways - think the Elephant story. (You know, where men were blindfolded and all felt a different part of the Elephant - then came out and described what they'd seen)

In Christianity alone there a so many denominations - I don't even know if I could name them all.. Protestant, Catholic, Lutheran, Baptist, Anglican, does God really know what else? Where do the Pentacostal, the Christadelphians, the Evangelical fit in?

The Agnostic? The Athiests?

I don't believe we need the Church or priests to communicate with God. I had sex waaaay before marriage. I have bastard children. But I don't really believe God minds. The Universe is a wonderful mystical thing, and we will never understand everything - I love synchronicity, symbolism and the gamut of emotions our lives bring us. Of course I hate them at the time but that is what makes it so beautiful.

I don't know why we are here. I believe my soul chose this lifetime, for the joy of the lessons to be learnt and the experiences to be felt. We have a path, a journey.. a means to an end.. but we still have the illusion of choice. The Universe knows otherwise.

The macrocosm and the microcosm - seriously - cell structure and the solar system? How trippy is that? What about dreams? Deja vu? Intuition? 

I even have a theory on Adam and Eve that is explosive. It explains creationism and evolution. Its so obvious, I don't know why everyone doesn't see it the way I do. When I share this - I am met by bemused looks. Its logic, people!

We know the Bible was translated into many languages in such a way that fuelled and served the interests of those rich or powerful enough to command translations be made. Sure, there were honourable people who genuinely wanted to respect the 'word(s) of God'.. but I think Human nature is just as Hobbes said. We are greedy. Power is an aphrodesiac.




Adam and Eve were amoebas. Doesn't that make sense? Back then they had a limited view of science - human beings were the most basic form... Eve came from Adam - one amoeba splits into two.. and multiply. Now if the Jehovah's Witnesses who come to my door could just see that it negates any defensive reasoning about incest (for starters) maybe they would have more success with us heathans....

Hannover

26th - 27th May 2001, Staying at Youth Hostel, Fisherhof Ubahn station


It all started when I decided spontaneously to go somewhere for the weekend. I went by myself, which meant that I could do what I wanted to do, and when. I still believe it is better to travel with someone, because half the fun of travelling is sharing it with someone.

I arrived at about 11:00am with a slight hangover, put my luggage in storage, then went to the Tourist info. I walked to the big markets, that are in Hannover every Saturday, and strolled around, wary of all the eastern and southern europeans.

I found a Kraftwerk record, which I bought for Stephen. I also bought some old DDR money. After the markets, I decided to go and check in at the hostel. My knee felt sore, and I was incredibly tired.

On my way back, I saw an old church, which was open. I decided to go in an have a look. Once in there, I realised it was the first chuch I'd been in since Nanna died. The realisation overwhelmed me, and I started to cry. More of a releasing unknown pent-up emotion. It felt good. I felt Nanna's presence, and I felt God's presence. I wanted to light a candle, but they were sold out. I left there feeling refreshed and better.

Eventually I got to the hostel, checked in and sat down. It was only 4pm and I knew I still had about 6 hours of daylight left. So I went back to the city centre, and did the Red Thread tour. It's a really good idea. There is a red line on the ground, painted throughout the city, and you buy a small book and follow it seeing important sites. I returned to the hostel at about 6-7pm and was fast asleep by 8pm.

On Sunday I went first to the Herrenhauser Gartern, which was the palace gardens. They were beautiful. There was a maze (which I did get lost in) and statues. I spent a couple of hours there, and then went to the Zoo. I actually really enjoyed the zoo, it was cool to see all the different animals. My favourites were the Gorillas and the Polar and Grizzly Bears. So cute.

After the Zoo, I went to the Rathaus and took photos from the top. I went the day before, but the lift was broken. The weather was sunny on Saturday and rainy on Sunday. Oh well.

I really enjoyed my weekend away in Hannover. I might not (probably wont) go back, but I'm glad to say that I've been there.






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Reading this I have to laugh at my wariness of 'eastern and southern europeans'. It does sound a bit racist, but any young woman travelling alone in Europe will know what I'm talking about. I'm making a huge generalisation about them - thats true. I was referring to the men. There are Roma ('gypsies') hanging around churches in big cities begging for money.. and you hear horror stories and I was afraid of being pickpocketed... I even wore my backpack around the front.

Another fond memory I have of Hannover is a naked lady. The old unabashed charm of naked germans... I was in the hostel room resting and she had just checked in. We were chatting and then she just took her clothes off to get in the shower. She would've been mum's age.. I was taken aback.. and prudish.. but kept on chattering, trying not to look. I ended up doing the same thing (well not quite the same.. stripped down to my bra to change shirts) to a couple of Korean backpackers in Munich a few months later - I was germanised! Those poor girls were shocked and embarrassed. I didn't mean to!

Around the time my Nanna died (which I've gone on about over and over and over on this blog.. sorry ;p) I also fell off my bike one day while riding around Lueneburg with friends. I am unco anyway, and while riding I looked behind me to see where my friends were. I started to lose my balance, and veered towards cars but swung back and stopped by the wall of a building. Laughing cos I'm unco, I then lost my balance and somehow fell between the bike and the wall... landing with bended knee on a drain grate.

Yeah. Universe knows how that happened.

Once the pain set it it was horrible. Somehow, with the help of my friends I made it home. My knew swelled right up and Mum begged me in the middle of the night to go to the hospital. I didn't do that, but I did go to a doctor I had visited earlier when sick. Both times when I arrived in Germany I ended up with Bronchitis... even in little Lueneburg. Apparently the air isn't as fresh there as it is here in Oz...

I remember crying to the doctor, cos Nanna had died and he is prodding my knee apologising... then he sent me to the local specialist, who was also a plastic surgeon. After x-rays and an MRI (where I learnt the meaning of Schwanger) it turned out that I hadn't broken my knee cap or ended up with minisculis (whatever that is) .. but I had a permanent dent and a heamatoma there you can still see to this day..

what a great story ;p

The moral is get Travel insurance! My travel insurance cost $800 for 8 months... the MRI and doctors visits cost $1500!

Letters from Julia

When I was 11, I had 3 penfriends - before facebook, before email, before the internet was in every home....
I still find letters from one of them, Julia, every once in a while when looking through old stuff. She was around my age, from Onsala, Sweden. We never met. I would love to find her again :)
By this stage, we had been writing for about 5 years... I wish I hadn't lost so many letters and photos. I'll add more as I find them.

Hopefully, I'll find her again :)



sha la la

Everyday I look at the world from my window....

There is a story I want to tell. It is inside me. It could be my story, but I havent reached that happy ending yet.... so its not ready. I have climbed my family tree, nestled in its branches and become fascinated by some of the stories there.


I want to explore them. I feel connected to them. I want to be loved by them. Impossible, I know, when you consider time and space... but is it so impossible? Could I meet these people somewhere in my own personal dreamscapes?

I believe you can do almost anything in your dreamscapes....  and it can be therapeutic!

I was overseas when my beloved Nanna died. We had a special bond. We also had my mother in common. I dream of her often. She was our angel. She kept our family together. She had cancer in the 1980s, lived but it came back towards the end. One day, Nanna, Mum and I were sitting around the kitchen table having a cuppa.

I didn't believe she would die. I had discovered dreaming a couple of years before and being the opportunist that I am, I shared with Nanna what I had read. I asked her if she would contact me in my dreams, if she ever died. I was serious, and she shook her head. I remember asking her, that if she could, if it was possible - could she do it?

Closed minds would shrug this off. Old saggy horsey face school mums would probably accuse me of witchcraft.

Nanna knew she was going. The last time I saw her, she was really sick. She looked grey. It was my bon voyage party. I told her I would see her in 6 months. She said I hope so.

This isnt meant to be a depressing blog! You haven't reached the end yet!

Three months after she died, I was in Sylt, Germany. I sat on the beach with 2 friends till after midnight, playing around in the waning sun... it felt like it would last forever. That night, she came.

I walked into the kitchen. Mum says something, and I tell her, You just sounded like Nanna then. And it is her. I am suprised, Nanna! We hug. She holds me, and I said I thought you were gone. We talk about Mum. Nanna asks me if I want to meet somebody. We go outside, and an old lady with blue eyes is in the passenger seat of a white car. We meet. She is Nanna's mother. It was great to meet her. Then they are gone.

It was her. I don't care what people say. It wasn't my psyche regurgitating the day's events. It wasn't the 'Nanna in me' that needed to be expressed.

And she has visited me about 4-5 times since then. That I remember. I've met her on stairs, me coming up them, her coming down - we met in the middle and she was young again, and in a beautiful purple sparkly gown. I have asked her what heaven is like and she has told me, both of us knowing I will not remember in the morning. I even recall telling her how good her analogy was, and that I would definately remember that one. I didn't.

Now, when she comes, I'm not even suprised. I think she is still my angel. She has to be somewhere. As much as I question Heaven and Hell... I still want to believe she is around. Even if it is just in my human memories that keep her alive.

But then, if that is the case, am I holding her back? You know that Aboriginal belief in not taking photos of someone cos it traps their soul on this earthly plain? I do believe that heaven and hell are subjective.. so I don't really think I've trapped her here :) Maybe she will just have to come back and claim her soul...

Maybe she already has.. and has stayed for another ride :) Monique is a Cancerian too....