Soul lessons #1 and #2

Just like people, I think books come into your life for a reason. To entertain you, bore you into doing something else or teach you.. inspire you.

A friend brought a book over for me to ruin (that is what she said.. but i'll try not to) called "SOUL: Lessons and Soul Purpose." It's one of those books along the same vein as all the other spiritual self help books.. such as The Celestine Prophecy, or Journey to the 9th Planet (also called the Thiaoouba Prophecy or something like that), the Alchemist and so on.

 

I started reading it tonight. It speaks to me. So I kept reading. And for the sake of spiritual growth, I thought I would put a few things down here.. for me to think about. There are 22 lessons... so we'll see how I go - if this is another one of those things I start but don't finish.

Lesson #1 - You are a Divine Immortal Being

Your purpose - To love yourself as God loves you.

Here I am an Apprentice - I have heard of this before, but I a starting to accept it - but it doesn't feel like it applies to me, or that I am capable of being a divine immortal being. I am too concerned with others' opinions of me and my external appearance.

How Celestine. That's all I will say - even though this blog is for my confessions. Oh alright - yes yes. I do care what others think. I can't stand the fact that they think the wrong things about me - even if their opinions are partly because of my behaviour towards thems. I feel hate because they influence the way others think of me.

And I am concerned with my external appearance! I have been expending so much energy on losing weight, and beating myself up for not doing that, or sticking with it. Energy I could use elsewhere.... I keep telling myself and others that it really is all in the mind - so I need to re-frame the way I am trying to lose weight - I need to work on my mind. I keep thinking that I will be so happy when I have lost it - but I want to be happy now. Surely it would come from happiness in a more natural and pleasureable way? So if I fix my mind - heal my soul - then maybe losing weight will become less of a struggle. Because really, my weight is a reflection of my sadness.

• Focus on the things you love and appreciate about yourself, doing so out loud and often
• Vocally give yourself approval
• Take the time to notice the activities that bring you peace and do them
• Affirm that you are loved by your Creator

Lesson #2 - You are a Divine Co-Creator

Your purpose - In fully accepting your creative power, You honour and respect your soul and remind others to do the same.

I am an Apprentice here too - I find the idea encouraging, but have those doubts that I can actually change my world. I start reading self-help books but don't finish them, the ideas are fun but I don't take them too seriously - enough to act on them. I think I may be borderline Journeyman as well - I do accept resonsibility for my life and mmy choices, and where they lead me now - and I am ready to move forward and create a better, happier life.

This reminds me of a book I have somewhere called Synchrodestiny by Deepak Chopra. Its an interesting book, which.. haha ... I have started reading a few times.. and never finished. I don't think I have made it through half of the book. I love Synchronicity. I do recognise how my choices have brought me here, and I know I have the power to change - it is a matter of manifesting those thoughts into reality - and stopping the self-doubt and other ego distractions from getting in the way.

• Make a list of the things you want to accomplish now, and measure the amount of enthusiasm that each goal inspires in you.
• Only pursue those desires that greatly excite you, forget the rest for now.
• Talk only about your successes. Be silent about your failures.
• Think of creating as playing with a magic wand. What possibilities would you like to develop right now?

The above are the actions for the Apprentice - Below are those for the Journeyman... I will do those too and then get back to you in a week :) So long as my friend doesn't want her book back - in which case I'll make her let me scan it :s

• Every night before going to bed, jot down your days creations
• Make two columns: In column A, list successes and satisfying manifestations; in column B, describe bloopers
• Next to the achievements in column A, note several things you did to bring them abut. In column B, write down a few things you did or failed to do that caused disappointment.
• List those positive patterns that will lead to more happiness and accomplishment.
• name the areas in which you are creatively strong and those which you struggle.
• Look for negative habits that hinder your efforts to achieve your desires and that are absent with regard to your successes. 

Sounds complicated. Like I said, I am borderline, if anything. This reminds me of those gratitude journals. Might be interesting.

mood:bored

No not really, but I was just looking at Hazel's blog and she writes about making a mood board.. thats such a good idea! The title of my blog today should be mood:procrastinating instead! I have much to catch up on at uni, but i have been exercising and am just cooling down.

I have started jogging! Would you believe it? I started the c25k program.. downloaded the free podcasts from google, a Robert Ullery made them... thanks Rob! Its bloody hard.. you are supposed to do three sessions a week, he has made 9 podcasts I think, so while I technically should be on week 2 by now, ive done my 5th session of week one. My calf muscles hurt so much (they dont now) and its a real push to move myself into each of the intervals.. but im pushing myself so I hope eventually it all pays off!

I can see the difference in my body myself at the moment, even if it is not visible to others - my legs are a bit thinner, and they seem a bit more lumpy, as though the fat breaking up and dissolving is causing them to look a bit cellulite-y.. cos i dont have cellulite! Noooooo ;p

My face is also a bit thinner, I think one of my chins has melted away, and my cheekbones are starting to peek through my chubby cheeks ;)

I am happy to say that I have lost my first 5.5kgs on the BLC program... so what Im doing is working. This make me feel really happy, as losing all this extra weight finally feels achieveable! I just have to keep at it!

15th April 2010 at 101.2kgs

Omg, I cant believe I'm actually posting this... I dont have the guts to put it on the biggest loser website... or facebook! I want to put it out there somewhere.... so here I am ...

there must be something wrong with my camera... you can tell by the split screen effect... and I dont look like that!

see you in about 2 months :)

a love only found in dreams

I had the strangest dream last night... i thought about it a bit after I woke up.. i reckon there are two types of dreams - reflective and predictive... the reflective ones are wierd stories made up of fragments of memories and your days and the wierd synchronicity that dances between. Predictive dreams are just that, but for me, far and few between.

Last night I was a time traveller, and running from something. I was on a tour of a town with a concentration camp.. and then i was the one being chased and hiding. There was a shop, and I hid, wearing a pinjab (is that what the head dress is called?) to hide my face from guards. I hide behind the counter, on my back and find a secret door. The shop owner has a hexagon of rooms, each suited to a different time, and I find that I change depending on the time I am in. I fall in love with this shopkeeper, who for some reason only known to my psyche, is the evil nazi guy from Inglorious Basterds. Hmm. Anyway, he is also being chased by someone, and it turns out he is taking the blame. I try to be with him, to tell him I love him but he is not listening to me. I take the chance and kiss him three times. Im then home, in Frangipani St, (where i grew up) and he is gone, he wont talk to me. I am with three other brunette girls, in the playground of my primary school, and a woman and child come to us, and the women tells us someone is on the phone for Rachel. The man is in a car, one the phone. It turns out that I am the one he wants to speak to. I am quiet cos Im heartbroken. He says i dont sound the same. We speak in German. I tell him Im quiet because my heart is injured. It hurts me so much. I ask him why we cant be together, why we cant just hug. He says no, I put the phone down, hoping to catch him in the car, without him realising Ive left the phone. I run outside, but the car is gone. I quickly run back inside to the phone, but the woman is hanging it up. I panic and run outside again, which this time is in the backyard at Frangipani st again. Iam calling out to him "Willie," I cry. Im devastated. Then I see him hiding behind a tree... he is much younger, but it is him. We run to eachother and embrace... I am so happy. So in love.

.....

yeah. go figure.

Well tomorrow is weigh in day again.. Im hoping for a loss because Ive put on 2 kgs in the last week (1.5kgs since my last post).. ive exercised my darndest too! Ive been going for walks every morning and doing the Wii EA Active or Wii Fit Plus afterwards... ive been watching what I eat too, making sure its less than the energy im burning by living. :)

As far as my goals go.. Im a bit further from the less than 100kgs one.. but im getting there.... i havent started running yet, but im doing the warm up walk ;p I havent done enough housework but I plan too (always plan  to, but I should be studying) and I have made some healthy meals this week.. pizza potato bake and healthy tacos... i even had a smaller serving of spag bog tonight, with heaps of salad... im so looking forward to weighing in tomorrow... I hope Im not disappointed!

31st March 2010

ok, so here is my confession..... I am 102.4 kgs...

That's not me. I'm not meant to be like this.. I gained 30kgs by having 2 kids in the space of two years. Im busy. I don't get much sleep. I don't know how to cook. I don't have any money to buy healthy foods... I'm tired. My boobs are too big to run. I don't have the right shoes. I need an iPod. It's to hot. It's too early.. i'll do it tomorrow. I'll get a bike instead. We have to clear the garage out. I'll use our gym in winter. I should be studying. I don't have time. I gotta go to work. Allan is still asleep.

That's pretty much all the excuses I can think of. But IM SO SICK OF BEING FAT!!

So I have tried a lot of diets... nothing really works... I tried tony fergusson, weightwatchers, celebrity slim... I cant seem to stick to anything. I've also recently joined up with the Biggest Loser Club. I don't watch the show. But the website is awesome (and no, im not being paid to say this).. my favorite thing is the diary, where you can track the calories you eat.. so you can eat normal meals, you just have to make sure you stay within the limit.... in the first 2 weeks i lost 2.7 kgs... but then last week i gained 500g.. thanks to overindulging before the Lady Gaga concert! the whole weekend ended with KFC on Sunday night ..

So I felt like writing about it. I used to write alot. I used to write a dream diary. Sometimes I think I should put effort into doing it again... some of the dreams I have a bizarre.... I can't even think of any right now.

This first post is pretty boring.. but maybe it will get better!

Here are some goals:

1. Start running....

I have found a website - Couch to 5K.. or something like that.. it reckons it can get you running within 2 months... lol. First  I need a proper sports bra, a crop top, and to get off my butt!

    2.  Get under 100kgs

Well at this point I have 2.5 kgs to go... not likely in the next week or two, at my rate, especially with Easter coming! But I will get there..!

    3.   Get active!

Do some housework... ride a bike.... play with the kids... take them to the park.... get into new habits...

    4.   Learn a new recipe each week...

I used to look at payday as a treat day.. but I think I will use it to learn a new healthy recipe to add to my repetoire...(how do you spell that?)

Those are my goals for April.... so here goes!