Jesus who?

I think I just heard a fairy die. My kids dont really know about Jesus. I dont think I've even made the connection between Easter and Jesus obvious to them. Im not even sure what they know about the Easter Bunny. Actually, I dont think I've really taught the anything, apart from swear words.

Including Jesus Christ. Fuck. I think I just heard another one drop.

Its more about love and respect. I'm trying to teach them how to behave in public, the alphabet, and to leave me alone first thing in the morning while I have my coffee.

This is where the guilt sets in. I always thought I would be more. I was going to teach them languages, make them learn an instrument, spend time with them, be a TV Mum. Not like Mrs Brady, but not so much like Peggy Bundy. Some part of me feels like I'm failing them. Maybe they should learn about it. But then, I would have to make sure they learn about Buddha, and Allah and spirituality. Give them their own runes.

I'm left with this conundrum. Should they learn about God and Jesus, when I don't think it is relevant anymore? Ok, not NOT relevant, cos there are wars and status created by organised religion, just not relevant in that I think other things are more inportant? The ten commandments, sure - they seem ok. I couldnt name them. I want my kids to think, not just accept. I want them to choose their own religion.

I tried to explain Evolution to Zeke. It definately did not make sense. Zeke is a deep thinker. He asked if Nanna and Pop were turning into animals. This was funny at the time for many reasons ;p  I honestly didnt realise how much I didn't know about the world until I had the kids - like how yoghurt is made, and other things I cant remember right now. I struggle to answer questions. Maybe I should just leave it to the Bible - let Christianity answer the questions I dont want to. Nope, cant do it.

All the Easter eggs I bought them for Easter are still sitting in the fridge, uneaten. This feels significant when talking about my kids and religion. Just not sure how.

Dispute resolution with irrational beings...

Im currently sitting on my cheap lounge trying to keep the peace between my beautiful children... the conflict is all about Ben 10 and Blues' Clues... I personally would prefer Blues' Clues but little Ben 10 never gets his own way... There are sausages sizzling in the frypan, and the potato gems are in the oven, still a little soggy. Im going to have to admit now, Im not the best cook in the world. I had the oven on 150 instead of 230.. so now the sausages are almost crisp and the gems should be ready anytime now...

Monique (4) is holding the Blues Clues DVD to my neck, literally, hoping I'll crack and put it on the DVD player. Zeke (2.75) is defending Ben 10... threatening to scream... I am so over screaming....

We've just dropped Allan off at poker, its his 34th birthday today.. and I havent done a thing, except for eaten 1/3 of his birthday cake... with ice cream... yeah Im still on this diet, but I just have to get the birthdays out the way.... I'll get on the bike later... I've gained about a kilo in the last few weeks.. from overeating and not exercising... and I dont want to put it all back on! I made it to 9.3 kgs lost... the 10kg mark is so elusive.. i wonder why I cant summon up the self control to stick to it and reach it?

Blue's Clues just won.. "Stop stop stop" (interrupted by screaming)... they cant do anything without fighting. I raise my voice and say stop to stop them.. doesnt do anything. They usually settle in about 3 seconds... after one making the other cry. Sometimes I feel like the worst mother in the world. I have to go put some vegies on, .. just in an attempt to feed them healthily.

We drove past our old house on the way to poker... I was hoping to see if people worse than us have moved in there... not that i would inflict that on our former neighbours.. but I wouldnt mind if they reminisced about how quiet (never) or good it was while we lived there... It wasnt so bad when the grass was cut, and the broken down cars were out of the yard, and the kids weren't making me yell.. (cos really Its NOT me ;p)...

I received a letter today... my heart sank... My HECS debt (which they ironically refer to now as HELP) is currently $45,666... that is a lot of money. At the moment, that's about 2 yrs income. That combined with the various other debts that I have, including student loans, a personal loan and a couple of old utility bills would bring me to about $70,000 in debt.. (hopefully at the most!) Thats shocking! How am I going to get out of this financial hole that I am in? And raise two well-adjusted children? And somehow buy a house and start my own business? It feels totally unachieveable.... almost like.. what is the point? Ill be 60 and still paying it off :(

And to top it all off, Ive over eaten today, thanks to the birthday cake, so I need to go and sit on the bike for about an hour... poor me... poor poor me :(

hey its not that bad.. there is a roof over our heads, food in our tummies and enough milk till thursday :)