Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Warm
In my cocoon I am warm
my aching mind feels peace.
The anxieties feel prickly but there is no need to perform here.
No one is watching
I stretch my toes and hold my body tight
The fear is beyond sleep
I rejoin the world tomorrow
My heart is numb and my voice rests.
I have nothing to say and no one to watch
I wish I could survive this peace with my memories intact.
Dreams come to heal me,
I'm refreshed by your smile.
Pain doesn't feel so bad afterall
Silence is my pillow
Clouds go by like tears
My cocoon is a pause,
a peace with the Universe
my aching mind feels peace.
The anxieties feel prickly but there is no need to perform here.
No one is watching
I stretch my toes and hold my body tight
The fear is beyond sleep
I rejoin the world tomorrow
My heart is numb and my voice rests.
I have nothing to say and no one to watch
I wish I could survive this peace with my memories intact.
Dreams come to heal me,
I'm refreshed by your smile.
Pain doesn't feel so bad afterall
Silence is my pillow
Clouds go by like tears
My cocoon is a pause,
a peace with the Universe
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
a kaleidoscope infatuation
ramblings of dreams
she dances in pretty colours
hearts bleeding from the seams
... look into that awful mirror and tell me what you seek?
your dreaming infatuation
has you falling apart at the seams
a kaleidoscope of memories
pieces juggling inside dreams
I remembered you in quiet moments
and forgot what it all means
ramblings of dreams
she dances in pretty colourshearts bleeding from the seams
... look into that awful mirror and tell me what you seek?
your dreaming infatuation
has you falling apart at the seams
a kaleidoscope of memories
pieces juggling inside dreams
I remembered you in quiet moments
and forgot what it all means
Thursday, June 14, 2012
the pacifist defiled
Anger
She eats away at me, seething.
Cold, calculating, rejected.
I feed her, I hate her.
A psychological aversion manifested inwardly
An authoritarian madness
eating me alive.
The insignificance of loyalty
from others, the significance
of indifference
I want to explode into poisonous fire
and ruin everything.
I can't breathe because it
hurts.
The futility of sense
A soul-destroying habit
I feel ashamed and brutal
She inspires me to give in
But I have gone too far- there
is no turning back right now.
And the indifference towards
self-respect, dignity, loyalty,
lies, cheating, injustice, selfishness
a sign of crazy times and
the growth that is to come.
I hate you. Everyone I love around you.
Your pathetic insecurities
I can't let you win
But no one seems to care.
No one has a problem.
And I begin to hate them
Their pathetic indifference
boiling down to the strength
of community
social niceties
Fuck You, narcissistic
sympathisers.
You weak informants
I hope you achieve never more than you least desire
Your existence is a curse
to the self-righteous
Your existence a tragic comedy.
I can't breathe for my
suffocation. A memory of
a dream.
A long established hope
The freedom of indifference
eludes me.
If I don't live for what I
believe in what is the point of standing?
An evolution of the mind.
The acceptance of hate as a
simmering conclusion.
...
They say depression is just hate and anger directed inwards. I cannot live like this and I will not die like this. For my own sanity I have to be free of the fringe dwellers. It is more than misguided or misdirected. It is all encompassing.
...
In me she woke that volcano that was dormant. An epic journey through lifetimes I do not have.
Her colour is red. Her colour is bruises.
I choose not to punish myself -
this is my mantra.
A passion ignited
The black with the white
My heart is shades of grey
A pinpricked cushion my life.
I have a tenuous grip on
the nonchalant
All I want is to be chosen
above all others.
I promise not to draw you in
But I need your rescue.
....
An exposure ignited
by reactionary authoritarianism
Take this rarity as my
jewel.
live and breathe as a
calamity.
I lay my heart in you.
Help me be free again.
...
My kaleidescope of drowning.
the wrong memoirs remain.
She eats away at me, seething.
Cold, calculating, rejected.
I feed her, I hate her.
A psychological aversion manifested inwardly
An authoritarian madness
eating me alive.
The insignificance of loyalty
from others, the significance
of indifference
I want to explode into poisonous fire
and ruin everything.
I can't breathe because it
hurts.
The futility of sense
A soul-destroying habit
I feel ashamed and brutal
She inspires me to give in
But I have gone too far- there
is no turning back right now.
And the indifference towards
self-respect, dignity, loyalty,
lies, cheating, injustice, selfishness
a sign of crazy times and
the growth that is to come.
I hate you. Everyone I love around you.
Your pathetic insecurities
I can't let you win
But no one seems to care.
No one has a problem.
And I begin to hate them
Their pathetic indifference
boiling down to the strength
of community
social niceties
Fuck You, narcissistic
sympathisers.
You weak informants
I hope you achieve never more than you least desire
Your existence is a curse
to the self-righteous
Your existence a tragic comedy.
I can't breathe for my
suffocation. A memory of
a dream.
A long established hope
The freedom of indifference
eludes me.
If I don't live for what I
believe in what is the point of standing?
An evolution of the mind.
The acceptance of hate as a
simmering conclusion.
...
They say depression is just hate and anger directed inwards. I cannot live like this and I will not die like this. For my own sanity I have to be free of the fringe dwellers. It is more than misguided or misdirected. It is all encompassing.
...
In me she woke that volcano that was dormant. An epic journey through lifetimes I do not have.
Her colour is red. Her colour is bruises.
I choose not to punish myself -
this is my mantra.
A passion ignited
The black with the white
My heart is shades of grey
A pinpricked cushion my life.
I have a tenuous grip on
the nonchalant
All I want is to be chosen
above all others.
I promise not to draw you in
But I need your rescue.
....
An exposure ignited
by reactionary authoritarianism
Take this rarity as my
jewel.
live and breathe as a
calamity.
I lay my heart in you.
Help me be free again.
...
My kaleidescope of drowning.
the wrong memoirs remain.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
madnesses
Dull the ache of my madnesses
A smile returns
A fence made plain
Through wires he giggled
It felt secure
Passionate embraces are seldom
enough
Contented in his arms
Breathing in the uneasiness of
the truth
My life precariously rests on a
flying carpet
We could never give her the peace
that the drugs could.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Zen
Time doesnt change
neither do I
wrong choices lead to distant lies
Im sorry my little darling
If you're in there, they will find you
Take you away from me
and I will lie and pretend
you're not real
you dont exist
but we both know otherwise
I'm sorry my little darling
He's the wrong kind
Together we would be no good to you
Before they were harmless fantasies, now they attempt murder
I'm sorry my little darling
I have so much hate and anger
It would only be passed onto you
I cannot bear responsibility for ruining your life anyworse than I already have
Im sorry my little darling
We will meet someday
I'll cuddle you with mummy kisses
and everything will be ok
Till then,
Im sorry my little darling
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Oh Irony, how I love thee
(Written sometime in 1998)
Oh how sweet youth is
The newness of now, the eagerness of experience
Youth holds many pleasures,
and yet youth holds so many useless tortures
Those in their youth still have ambition
Hopefulness, admiration for others.
They still believe that they can do anything they want
with their lives
They dont realise that although its their life
It still belongs to someone else
And that someone else is
Society
Oh how sweet youth is
The newness of now, the eagerness of experience
Youth holds many pleasures,
and yet youth holds so many useless tortures
Those in their youth still have ambition
Hopefulness, admiration for others.
They still believe that they can do anything they want
with their lives
They dont realise that although its their life
It still belongs to someone else
And that someone else is
Society
 |
| Me, in Luebeck, April/May 2001 |
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Diaryland
Weimar
July 15th 2001
I remember a place
Where blue sky adorned an innocent breeze
and i fell in love with boredom
as though i'd never felt it before
I remember a place
where tales were told in the echoes
of unspoken time and mysteries unfolded
only to be lost again
I remember a place
where music invaded my ears
in a church somewhere in Germany
and I felt what i had forgotten
couldn't put a name to it,
if I did it would exist.
I remember a place
where my heart will lead to
carried on a fleeting dream
through ancient realities and
sweet uprisings of my soul.
Gillyflower
9th June 2002
hey gillyflower
i found this in a diary of mine. i wrote it last year while in germany. Imagine this: its cold. Id been travelling alone for three weeks, and id just arrived in Trier from Cologne, where i visited Robert. I had no jacket because up until the 1st of september it was warm and sunny. I was bored, and broke and really seeing the beauty in life......so have a read..will you put it on a webpage for me? when you have time of course. Use your imagination, let my writing inspire you..i cant wait to see what you come up with.
1st September 2001, Trier, Germany
Sitting in this pretty place, behind the palatial residence in Trier, I read a violently graphic American Psycho, its language a stark contrast to the bubbling water of an artificial lake. An icy wind wispers at the back of my neck, the hairs prickling and tickling until I feel it all over. Several statues of white frozen figures dot the end of the lake adding an essence of regality to the young trees between them. A beer garden is at one end, its holidaying customers laughing boistrously over their german cusine. Ducks sun themselves, clean themselves and preen themselves before curling up, sleeping in the vanishing warm sun.Tourists hoard around the front of the palace, taking photos and staring, perhaps at the white cherub branding a golden gun.The American Psysho sits by me on this white bench, his black cover with gleaming knife threatening to destroy the serenity of this garden. Some people sit in other benches, between other statues along this small artificial bubbling lake, canoodling or resting their feet, taking solitude from the obligation of strolling through busy saturday city streets. The air smells cold, i contemplate returing to my room, dangerously isolated with the cunning American Psycho. The sun appears, but from where? the sky is still a murky grey.
i read this and remember writing it so clearly!
Love ya heaps, Nicole
hey this is the second time youve been my inspiring webpage guru!
July 15th 2001
I remember a place
Where blue sky adorned an innocent breeze
and i fell in love with boredom
as though i'd never felt it before
I remember a place
where tales were told in the echoes
of unspoken time and mysteries unfolded
only to be lost again
I remember a place
where music invaded my ears
in a church somewhere in Germany
and I felt what i had forgotten
couldn't put a name to it,
if I did it would exist.
I remember a place
where my heart will lead to
carried on a fleeting dream
through ancient realities and
sweet uprisings of my soul.
Gillyflower
9th June 2002
hey gillyflower
i found this in a diary of mine. i wrote it last year while in germany. Imagine this: its cold. Id been travelling alone for three weeks, and id just arrived in Trier from Cologne, where i visited Robert. I had no jacket because up until the 1st of september it was warm and sunny. I was bored, and broke and really seeing the beauty in life......so have a read..will you put it on a webpage for me? when you have time of course. Use your imagination, let my writing inspire you..i cant wait to see what you come up with.
1st September 2001, Trier, Germany
Sitting in this pretty place, behind the palatial residence in Trier, I read a violently graphic American Psycho, its language a stark contrast to the bubbling water of an artificial lake. An icy wind wispers at the back of my neck, the hairs prickling and tickling until I feel it all over. Several statues of white frozen figures dot the end of the lake adding an essence of regality to the young trees between them. A beer garden is at one end, its holidaying customers laughing boistrously over their german cusine. Ducks sun themselves, clean themselves and preen themselves before curling up, sleeping in the vanishing warm sun.Tourists hoard around the front of the palace, taking photos and staring, perhaps at the white cherub branding a golden gun.The American Psysho sits by me on this white bench, his black cover with gleaming knife threatening to destroy the serenity of this garden. Some people sit in other benches, between other statues along this small artificial bubbling lake, canoodling or resting their feet, taking solitude from the obligation of strolling through busy saturday city streets. The air smells cold, i contemplate returing to my room, dangerously isolated with the cunning American Psycho. The sun appears, but from where? the sky is still a murky grey.
i read this and remember writing it so clearly!
Love ya heaps, Nicole
hey this is the second time youve been my inspiring webpage guru!
An interest
Someone expressed an interest in something I wrote when I was 16 ... Annika, I have put it here for you :) But then it brought back memories of other things i had written, and i wonder why i dont write anymore? Im kind of afraid to write these days, because the only things i have to write about are secrets and secrets can be too much for some people..
I used to write soo much.. i have diaries of teenage ramblings, sprinkled with poems.. some horrible, others sweet and others yet, not so bad... so i decided to look up an old website i used to use and ive decided to bring some of the stuff i wrote there here.. all in one place...
Im open to feedback, but only if you like it... :) My Mum makes an appearance below.. ive put it in bold so you know...Ive also written it exactly as it appears in the diary, spelling mistake and half-words and all... :)
10th January 1997
My pen is broken. Im listening to PINK FLOYD man they are so cool I can see bugs in the corner of my eyes & there are these little white stars on my floor & the walls are going in & out & I can see the air moving. I hope Aimee is ha This is so great. There were aliens & they left because wer we are on the same wavelength as them Mum told me & the stars are just so far away & I just want to say that the world looks sooooo (woo!) much more beautiful & we should just live like this all the time. Its like I cant write it all down but nose is running. M
Well its only 9pm one minute o.k. next
I was outside looking at the stars & by the way Im sweating like a mother fucking pig just refer to Pulp fiction Im so ichtchy. You will not remember this tomorrow. Its like im being stuck with pins shutup Mum & let me talk as I write on Mum you should write its such a wierd feeling Ill be reading this tomorrow & thinking wow was I like that or was it like that but I'll tell you now everything is sooo beautiful. hey man I know english & American & you just asked who was I cant stop laughing I have to stop this Im the music from down the road (Jamies) is making me sick. The look at the clouds every colour is changing. I writting my knowledge stop telling me were in a cardboard box. And its a big black piece of cardboard & the aliens have god or the superior matron like in a hos being hes pulling string Mums talking like Aimee I have mountains & valleys on my legs.
God is cool . Mike brady is on tv, I just had to write in down. Thank you. Duncan is so smart because he likes to stay in control. Mum thought unsolved my David Hass hoff has to go. Im going to stop writting Impulse is really blue foam. I know everything why can we just live like this all the time & my room has all these dimensions.
I dont wnat to forget anything the world is so pure. The world poor Julie. There is a reason for everything. I was riding a bike & Julie fell off & God gave her my fall. White stars on my floor Twilight Zone has true meaning of life Life is Twilight Zone every cardboard sky is a piece of cardboard with pin prick holes in it. I make so much sense. My mum is so cool she knows everything about the whole world.
Its 10:30pm & Duncan just said "Im a single Mum with a peodophile son" & that is the voice! I swear thats the voice! Life is so clean & so pure that I want all of the toxins out of my body. The toilet makes such wierd music. I can hear sound. I CAN HEAR SOUND! To be clean all you need is water and Acid. Acid Water! Wow! What a spinout. Its now 11:04pm & time is nothing because I can hear sound. I love Pink Floyd. This book is here & its saying this is me before & this is me now. The stars are so close yet so far away. Why cant we just live like this? We dont need sexual fulfilment & you can read buggar it!
Life is too short to hate.
Its now 11:30 time is going by so fast & there is so much life & other pleasures that I dont know. I dont know probably through BUddah or something like that. The angels on the front cover of this book know something that I have been missing out on all this time. For some reason I just dont care. It doesnt even matter before. I mean anymore. I should take up yoga. The sounds are so close yet thay are still so far away. We dont need alchol & shit like that man we have to be clean & pure like the divine force want us to be. I feel as though Im on the brink of knwoledge & that I know why is why . Well we do need that shit. To be truely happy in oursleves is the only way we can be truely happy in ourselves. But how can you bee truely happy. Everything is so small & everything is so big. Its now 12:20pm.
But maybe uts just that we dont need possessions we dont need money & hassles or the human body is such an amazing thing. & when you stop trying to make sense of everything, only then does anything make sense. The whole world is just one big contradiction. so big, its small. so loud its quiet.
YOU SEE EVERYTHING FOR
WHAT IT REALLY IS
EVERYTHING IS SO
INSIGNIFICANT
Its now 20 to 3.
I feel scared though it I write it down do i remember it? Who cares?
Dont need to travel you can see the world through your own mind.
Its always one more thing now.
Time is going so fast Everything is always moving but do yhou know because Light is the only way you see things. But Light is just an innate things.
Words & things buggar it
Everything is meaningless
Aware. You are more aware & knowing
Why?
Everything is just is.
At some stage I turned the above ramblings into a poem- but ive written above the poem in pencil, months later, that it didnt do justice to my knowledge...
Time is nothing
Because I can hear sound
The stars are so close
Yet so far away
Why cant we just live like this?
When you stop trying
To make sense of everything
Only then does it make sense
Its all so insignificant
Why cant we just live like this?
The world is one big
Contradiction
So big its small
So loud its quiet
Why cant we just live like this?
Dont need to travel
You can see the world
Through your own mind....
I used to write soo much.. i have diaries of teenage ramblings, sprinkled with poems.. some horrible, others sweet and others yet, not so bad... so i decided to look up an old website i used to use and ive decided to bring some of the stuff i wrote there here.. all in one place...
Im open to feedback, but only if you like it... :) My Mum makes an appearance below.. ive put it in bold so you know...Ive also written it exactly as it appears in the diary, spelling mistake and half-words and all... :)
10th January 1997
My pen is broken. Im listening to PINK FLOYD man they are so cool I can see bugs in the corner of my eyes & there are these little white stars on my floor & the walls are going in & out & I can see the air moving. I hope Aimee is ha This is so great. There were aliens & they left because wer we are on the same wavelength as them Mum told me & the stars are just so far away & I just want to say that the world looks sooooo (woo!) much more beautiful & we should just live like this all the time. Its like I cant write it all down but nose is running. M
Well its only 9pm one minute o.k. next
I was outside looking at the stars & by the way Im sweating like a mother fucking pig just refer to Pulp fiction Im so ichtchy. You will not remember this tomorrow. Its like im being stuck with pins shutup Mum & let me talk as I write on Mum you should write its such a wierd feeling Ill be reading this tomorrow & thinking wow was I like that or was it like that but I'll tell you now everything is sooo beautiful. hey man I know english & American & you just asked who was I cant stop laughing I have to stop this Im the music from down the road (Jamies) is making me sick. The look at the clouds every colour is changing. I writting my knowledge stop telling me were in a cardboard box. And its a big black piece of cardboard & the aliens have god or the superior matron like in a hos being hes pulling string Mums talking like Aimee I have mountains & valleys on my legs.
God is cool . Mike brady is on tv, I just had to write in down. Thank you. Duncan is so smart because he likes to stay in control. Mum thought unsolved my David Hass hoff has to go. Im going to stop writting Impulse is really blue foam. I know everything why can we just live like this all the time & my room has all these dimensions.
I dont wnat to forget anything the world is so pure. The world poor Julie. There is a reason for everything. I was riding a bike & Julie fell off & God gave her my fall. White stars on my floor Twilight Zone has true meaning of life Life is Twilight Zone every cardboard sky is a piece of cardboard with pin prick holes in it. I make so much sense. My mum is so cool she knows everything about the whole world.
Its 10:30pm & Duncan just said "Im a single Mum with a peodophile son" & that is the voice! I swear thats the voice! Life is so clean & so pure that I want all of the toxins out of my body. The toilet makes such wierd music. I can hear sound. I CAN HEAR SOUND! To be clean all you need is water and Acid. Acid Water! Wow! What a spinout. Its now 11:04pm & time is nothing because I can hear sound. I love Pink Floyd. This book is here & its saying this is me before & this is me now. The stars are so close yet so far away. Why cant we just live like this? We dont need sexual fulfilment & you can read buggar it!
Life is too short to hate.
Its now 11:30 time is going by so fast & there is so much life & other pleasures that I dont know. I dont know probably through BUddah or something like that. The angels on the front cover of this book know something that I have been missing out on all this time. For some reason I just dont care. It doesnt even matter before. I mean anymore. I should take up yoga. The sounds are so close yet thay are still so far away. We dont need alchol & shit like that man we have to be clean & pure like the divine force want us to be. I feel as though Im on the brink of knwoledge & that I know why is why . Well we do need that shit. To be truely happy in oursleves is the only way we can be truely happy in ourselves. But how can you bee truely happy. Everything is so small & everything is so big. Its now 12:20pm.
But maybe uts just that we dont need possessions we dont need money & hassles or the human body is such an amazing thing. & when you stop trying to make sense of everything, only then does anything make sense. The whole world is just one big contradiction. so big, its small. so loud its quiet.
YOU SEE EVERYTHING FOR
WHAT IT REALLY IS
EVERYTHING IS SO
INSIGNIFICANT
Its now 20 to 3.
I feel scared though it I write it down do i remember it? Who cares?
Dont need to travel you can see the world through your own mind.
Its always one more thing now.
Time is going so fast Everything is always moving but do yhou know because Light is the only way you see things. But Light is just an innate things.
Words & things buggar it
Everything is meaningless
Aware. You are more aware & knowing
Why?
Everything is just is.
At some stage I turned the above ramblings into a poem- but ive written above the poem in pencil, months later, that it didnt do justice to my knowledge...
Time is nothing
Because I can hear sound
The stars are so close
Yet so far away
Why cant we just live like this?
When you stop trying
To make sense of everything
Only then does it make sense
Its all so insignificant
Why cant we just live like this?
The world is one big
Contradiction
So big its small
So loud its quiet
Why cant we just live like this?
Dont need to travel
You can see the world
Through your own mind....
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