Soul reflection

I felt ready to look at this book again. I haven't been doing nightly lists etc, I'm more of the 'read it and think about it and it will manifest itself somehow' type of person. I have faith in the Universe - and am (sometimes un)willingly following its' plan. That is what this book is about.. I think.

 

Lesson #3 - Thought Creates

Your purpose - To Create Intentionally

 

Here I think I am a Journeyman - I believe in the power of positive thinking, though the Apprentice in me does get caught up in depression. I accept that my thoughts manifest into reality, and do try to keep them positive.

 

Something I definately have to work on is positive thinking. Not letting those doubts get in the way. Knowing that to achieve my dreams, I have to do something and part of that is to believe that I can. I have already proven this to myself. No more negative thoughtforms!

 

• Give your full attention to one thing that you love for an entire week. Um, can I decide which week that will be? Can I postpone it? There is other pressing stuff to do in the next couple of weeks - I have to devote myself to them. Maybe I can reframe 'essay writing' as a 'love of learning and intellectual challenges' :)
• Write down what is not working in your life.
• Keep a journal of your daily successes and how your thoughts, attention and intentions played a role. This could be my other blog - Zenefertiti loses...
• Write down one intention for the week, and focus on it for 15 minutes everyday. I actually have been wanting to meditate.. surely I can find 15mins a day to do this without falling asleep?

Lesson #4 - Feeling is the Fuel of Creativity

Your purpose - To Follow Your Heart

 

You know what, here I am going to claim to be a Journeyman too- the paragraph regarding their experience speaks to me more. It is about following your heart and being in tune with your feelings. Worry and anxiety needs to be burnt off through physical exercise. There is good stuff that comes out of drama, and I do get excited about things that speak to my emotions and creativity.

 

 

At this point I am beginning to get the gist of the book... and I'm interested to see where it goes from here. I have a few things to share about the Journeyman paragraph. The excitment and enthusiasm of something that speaks to my emotion and creativity? I have a secret here - I want to write a historical fiction based on my ancestors. The research is almost about me just finding myself - but there are fascinating stories and I would love to tell them... and I love writing - if people like what I write, they might like the book.. and then it will be a movie and a nice big acreage for me ;p

 

Also re the physical exercise - I have a history of anxiety and depression. This does not define me. It is a trap I fall into and climb out of every once in a while. I've noticed that over the last couple of weeks, I have been feeling less anxious, less negative... and I think that doing the c25k is helping - the running and expending the nervous energy is making me feel happier.

 

• Seek courageous and passionate companions to help rekindle your inner fire
• Consider all past failed passions as good rough drafts, and laugh at them while admiring your spirit.
• Do something courageous, such as taking a trapeze class, trekking on a mountain, or volunteering to help someone who is sick and dying.
• Do something physical every day.

 

Lesson #5 - Your Vision Creates Your Reality

Your purpose - Envision Your Life Beautiful

 

The bizarre thing that came up in the Apprentice section here was filling your mind with visions of disaster and knowing that you are only scaring yourself. I've done that. I also lust after other people's happy life memories and read about celebrities.. and I look at some things in stores (i.e Amart) or and imagine that one day, our lives will be like that..

 

 

I was suprised to see that. Makes you think in a synchrodestiny kind of way. A few times I have been at home or on a train, just thinking to myself, "what would I do if Allan or the kids were gone?" Seriously, I've been thinking it was part of my crazy - a fear of losing them. Lost in these thoughts, they feel so real, and I end up crying. The pain of losing the kids especially, or what a terrible person and mother I am for losing my patience with them - the pain feels real. The tears flow. The subconscious part of my brain knows this hasn't happened. The logical part of my brain thinks "why am I even thinking this, what is wrong with me?" but my heart explores those feelings and the images flash through my brain. It hurts.

 

And its something that I fall into just for a little while. I snap out of it. Yeah, maybe I'm in need of psychoanalysis there. But let's just keep that curtain closed for a while... I don't have time for crazy right now. 

 

I have envied others' lives.. and been caught up in comparing mine to theirs. Not just financially, but uni wise - I DID just spend 10 years at uni. I feel incompetant and like a bit of a failure, but I remind myself that I am tenacious, determined.. that mine is a story they could make a movie about. In the last few years I've started to wake up from this sleepy dream.. this is my life. My journey. I should be proud that I am here. Thank Universe.

 

• List the areas of frustration or disappointment in your life and notice the mental picture you hold about them.
• If you are maintaining a negative or counterproductive image, change it to one that aligns with what you actually want.
• Recognise how your ego tries to derail your vision through cynicism, distraction and drama - and ignore these sabotaging tricks. This was another thing in the paragraph - finding it hard to keep focussed on something.
• Fill your mind with beautiful images by enjoying nature and visiting museums, galleries, showrooms and shops filled with lovely, inspiring things. Study the look of your desired objects, experience, or outcome until you are quite clear about what you intend.
   



I'll come back to this book after visiting Smother next week. :) My intention for that week is to remain calm and not lose my temper with her. I find it really hard. She infuriates me, by doing nothing but being herself really. It's the nagging - the repeating conversations that does it. And trying to control what everybody does. Maybe I should step back and let her control everything. She wants to. I should let her! I'll have a holiday and let her look after the kids.  

 

 

 

 

 

Soul lessons #1 and #2

Just like people, I think books come into your life for a reason. To entertain you, bore you into doing something else or teach you.. inspire you.

A friend brought a book over for me to ruin (that is what she said.. but i'll try not to) called "SOUL: Lessons and Soul Purpose." It's one of those books along the same vein as all the other spiritual self help books.. such as The Celestine Prophecy, or Journey to the 9th Planet (also called the Thiaoouba Prophecy or something like that), the Alchemist and so on.

 

I started reading it tonight. It speaks to me. So I kept reading. And for the sake of spiritual growth, I thought I would put a few things down here.. for me to think about. There are 22 lessons... so we'll see how I go - if this is another one of those things I start but don't finish.

Lesson #1 - You are a Divine Immortal Being

Your purpose - To love yourself as God loves you.

Here I am an Apprentice - I have heard of this before, but I a starting to accept it - but it doesn't feel like it applies to me, or that I am capable of being a divine immortal being. I am too concerned with others' opinions of me and my external appearance.

How Celestine. That's all I will say - even though this blog is for my confessions. Oh alright - yes yes. I do care what others think. I can't stand the fact that they think the wrong things about me - even if their opinions are partly because of my behaviour towards thems. I feel hate because they influence the way others think of me.

And I am concerned with my external appearance! I have been expending so much energy on losing weight, and beating myself up for not doing that, or sticking with it. Energy I could use elsewhere.... I keep telling myself and others that it really is all in the mind - so I need to re-frame the way I am trying to lose weight - I need to work on my mind. I keep thinking that I will be so happy when I have lost it - but I want to be happy now. Surely it would come from happiness in a more natural and pleasureable way? So if I fix my mind - heal my soul - then maybe losing weight will become less of a struggle. Because really, my weight is a reflection of my sadness.

• Focus on the things you love and appreciate about yourself, doing so out loud and often
• Vocally give yourself approval
• Take the time to notice the activities that bring you peace and do them
• Affirm that you are loved by your Creator

Lesson #2 - You are a Divine Co-Creator

Your purpose - In fully accepting your creative power, You honour and respect your soul and remind others to do the same.

I am an Apprentice here too - I find the idea encouraging, but have those doubts that I can actually change my world. I start reading self-help books but don't finish them, the ideas are fun but I don't take them too seriously - enough to act on them. I think I may be borderline Journeyman as well - I do accept resonsibility for my life and mmy choices, and where they lead me now - and I am ready to move forward and create a better, happier life.

This reminds me of a book I have somewhere called Synchrodestiny by Deepak Chopra. Its an interesting book, which.. haha ... I have started reading a few times.. and never finished. I don't think I have made it through half of the book. I love Synchronicity. I do recognise how my choices have brought me here, and I know I have the power to change - it is a matter of manifesting those thoughts into reality - and stopping the self-doubt and other ego distractions from getting in the way.

• Make a list of the things you want to accomplish now, and measure the amount of enthusiasm that each goal inspires in you.
• Only pursue those desires that greatly excite you, forget the rest for now.
• Talk only about your successes. Be silent about your failures.
• Think of creating as playing with a magic wand. What possibilities would you like to develop right now?

The above are the actions for the Apprentice - Below are those for the Journeyman... I will do those too and then get back to you in a week :) So long as my friend doesn't want her book back - in which case I'll make her let me scan it :s

• Every night before going to bed, jot down your days creations
• Make two columns: In column A, list successes and satisfying manifestations; in column B, describe bloopers
• Next to the achievements in column A, note several things you did to bring them abut. In column B, write down a few things you did or failed to do that caused disappointment.
• List those positive patterns that will lead to more happiness and accomplishment.
• name the areas in which you are creatively strong and those which you struggle.
• Look for negative habits that hinder your efforts to achieve your desires and that are absent with regard to your successes. 

Sounds complicated. Like I said, I am borderline, if anything. This reminds me of those gratitude journals. Might be interesting.