Soul reflection

I felt ready to look at this book again. I haven't been doing nightly lists etc, I'm more of the 'read it and think about it and it will manifest itself somehow' type of person. I have faith in the Universe - and am (sometimes un)willingly following its' plan. That is what this book is about.. I think.

 

Lesson #3 - Thought Creates

Your purpose - To Create Intentionally

 

Here I think I am a Journeyman - I believe in the power of positive thinking, though the Apprentice in me does get caught up in depression. I accept that my thoughts manifest into reality, and do try to keep them positive.

 

Something I definately have to work on is positive thinking. Not letting those doubts get in the way. Knowing that to achieve my dreams, I have to do something and part of that is to believe that I can. I have already proven this to myself. No more negative thoughtforms!

 

• Give your full attention to one thing that you love for an entire week. Um, can I decide which week that will be? Can I postpone it? There is other pressing stuff to do in the next couple of weeks - I have to devote myself to them. Maybe I can reframe 'essay writing' as a 'love of learning and intellectual challenges' :)
• Write down what is not working in your life.
• Keep a journal of your daily successes and how your thoughts, attention and intentions played a role. This could be my other blog - Zenefertiti loses...
• Write down one intention for the week, and focus on it for 15 minutes everyday. I actually have been wanting to meditate.. surely I can find 15mins a day to do this without falling asleep?

Lesson #4 - Feeling is the Fuel of Creativity

Your purpose - To Follow Your Heart

 

You know what, here I am going to claim to be a Journeyman too- the paragraph regarding their experience speaks to me more. It is about following your heart and being in tune with your feelings. Worry and anxiety needs to be burnt off through physical exercise. There is good stuff that comes out of drama, and I do get excited about things that speak to my emotions and creativity.

 

 

At this point I am beginning to get the gist of the book... and I'm interested to see where it goes from here. I have a few things to share about the Journeyman paragraph. The excitment and enthusiasm of something that speaks to my emotion and creativity? I have a secret here - I want to write a historical fiction based on my ancestors. The research is almost about me just finding myself - but there are fascinating stories and I would love to tell them... and I love writing - if people like what I write, they might like the book.. and then it will be a movie and a nice big acreage for me ;p

 

Also re the physical exercise - I have a history of anxiety and depression. This does not define me. It is a trap I fall into and climb out of every once in a while. I've noticed that over the last couple of weeks, I have been feeling less anxious, less negative... and I think that doing the c25k is helping - the running and expending the nervous energy is making me feel happier.

 

• Seek courageous and passionate companions to help rekindle your inner fire
• Consider all past failed passions as good rough drafts, and laugh at them while admiring your spirit.
• Do something courageous, such as taking a trapeze class, trekking on a mountain, or volunteering to help someone who is sick and dying.
• Do something physical every day.

 

Lesson #5 - Your Vision Creates Your Reality

Your purpose - Envision Your Life Beautiful

 

The bizarre thing that came up in the Apprentice section here was filling your mind with visions of disaster and knowing that you are only scaring yourself. I've done that. I also lust after other people's happy life memories and read about celebrities.. and I look at some things in stores (i.e Amart) or and imagine that one day, our lives will be like that..

 

 

I was suprised to see that. Makes you think in a synchrodestiny kind of way. A few times I have been at home or on a train, just thinking to myself, "what would I do if Allan or the kids were gone?" Seriously, I've been thinking it was part of my crazy - a fear of losing them. Lost in these thoughts, they feel so real, and I end up crying. The pain of losing the kids especially, or what a terrible person and mother I am for losing my patience with them - the pain feels real. The tears flow. The subconscious part of my brain knows this hasn't happened. The logical part of my brain thinks "why am I even thinking this, what is wrong with me?" but my heart explores those feelings and the images flash through my brain. It hurts.

 

And its something that I fall into just for a little while. I snap out of it. Yeah, maybe I'm in need of psychoanalysis there. But let's just keep that curtain closed for a while... I don't have time for crazy right now. 

 

I have envied others' lives.. and been caught up in comparing mine to theirs. Not just financially, but uni wise - I DID just spend 10 years at uni. I feel incompetant and like a bit of a failure, but I remind myself that I am tenacious, determined.. that mine is a story they could make a movie about. In the last few years I've started to wake up from this sleepy dream.. this is my life. My journey. I should be proud that I am here. Thank Universe.

 

• List the areas of frustration or disappointment in your life and notice the mental picture you hold about them.
• If you are maintaining a negative or counterproductive image, change it to one that aligns with what you actually want.
• Recognise how your ego tries to derail your vision through cynicism, distraction and drama - and ignore these sabotaging tricks. This was another thing in the paragraph - finding it hard to keep focussed on something.
• Fill your mind with beautiful images by enjoying nature and visiting museums, galleries, showrooms and shops filled with lovely, inspiring things. Study the look of your desired objects, experience, or outcome until you are quite clear about what you intend.
   



I'll come back to this book after visiting Smother next week. :) My intention for that week is to remain calm and not lose my temper with her. I find it really hard. She infuriates me, by doing nothing but being herself really. It's the nagging - the repeating conversations that does it. And trying to control what everybody does. Maybe I should step back and let her control everything. She wants to. I should let her! I'll have a holiday and let her look after the kids.