The dreaming of Zenefertiti

I wish I could dream again... well I always dream.. but dreaming was so exciting once. It was a humble escape from those awkward teenage years, where life actually had promise and i wasnt dragged down to the pits of affordability and general strangeness.

Can someone really be odd? Or is the odd person the one who thinks the other is odd? Or is the odd person the one who thinks they are odd? Why would you want to be odd? Why wouldnt you?

I really admire the person I once was. I hated myself at the time, I hated my life, and couldnt wait to do stuff.... i blamed certain elements for some things and aspired to others to be something more. And yet, I still dont know who or where I am, but strangely enough.. there is a comfort in that I find rewarding....
There are diaries and dream journals from years ago, that I love to look through.. i scorn their simplicity while agonising over things that might have been - but better they werent.

one thing that has always been me is faith. Im not sure in what though...thats the oddity of this space im in... it was runes, it was tarot, it was dreaming, it was drugs, it was staying in your place... knowing your place and not moving forward, up, down or even left of centre... but something happens when you forget about the idealism and move on... something happens when your heart is broken and your dreams are achieved, no matter how elusive...

somehow in this place I have lost myself.. and I creep into the periphery sometimes.... wondering and tiptoeing, thinking how splendid it would be if i were to return with taffeta and earrings... with pnk and purple and the blacks and the greys...
there are some things to avoid... they are no doubt dredged up with those dreams... the doubts and the feelings that you must recognise before you can go to the next level....

why is it that some things happen? the fabric of life and love and hate and sadness is a colourful memory, maybe predestined but maybe just accidental... and when the threads come loose, and the shards of your mind start to fuse together in the strangest way.. maybe that is when that grey feeling fades to black and you can wake up.. refreshed and bewildered.. ignorant and happy.

its bliss