Friday, November 30, 2012

The serendipity of Time

I don’t know about you, but I seem to live my life by dates. Christmas, New Years’ Eve, the new school year, Easter, birthdays, school holidays, deadlines for assignments, for bills.. there can even be a countdown to next payday! Sometimes it feels like you’ve just managed to scrape through one thing when the next starts looming over the horizon. Someone needs to schedule some time for a coffee! If you are lucky, then the birthdays in your family are spread out over the year, with nice, even and courteous month long gaps in between. But everyone I know seems to have birthday clusters… ours are all from April - June. Time flies when you are having a life!

I won’t mention the C-word again. You know the one. With that S-guy? With lay-bys collected last minute. Rushing around for two weeks to spend a day with family. The irony is we are supposed to be enjoying the holiday season; the fact is we all get stressed out. You can tell yourself you will be nice to your mother as much as you want, but when she walks in that door knowing best and making sure you know she knows best… That’s when the crazy starts to bubble. And surely I’m not the only one who has been up past midnight, wrapping presents with images of how happy and grateful the kids will be ..only to listen to them argue over who plays with what while you are picking up all the paper a few hours later thinking "Thank God that’s over!"

I hate buying gifts for my partner. Socks and undies are easy. Everyone needs those. Gifts for the family are usually those tins of butter cookies that only appear on the shelves during Christmas. It is hard not to spend every last dollar on presents for the kids – and they are at the age where they are easy to buy for.. But time will take that from me too. It’s the innocence of children that time steals from us. My little man had his heart set on being a Power Ranger when he grew up. I had to be the one to break his heart and confirm that they weren’t real. He was devastated, but after explaining that they were actors and actors get to do really cool stuff, he brightened up – especially when I mentioned ‘Back to the Future’. Though we haven’t reached the subject of time travel yet – so I’m probably going to disappoint him again very soon! It’s sad how time ages us. The excitement and joy that kids feel at Christmastime brings us back to that lost time of wonder where happiness is simple, and infectious!

Time can be so repetitive… which is weird if every moment is a new one. There is nothing more repetitive than New Year’s Resolutions. Einstein might have said, ‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ To be honest, my resolutions for the last 10 years have been to lose weight. Year after year I promise myself that I will do it – and never really have. This year, for the first time, I discovered the ‘fun’ in fun runs, so my resolution next year is to do five fun runs, all courteously spaced out a couple of months apart.

Holidays always make me feel like I have more time than I actually do. At the beginning my mind lights up with possibilities. One day, I really will learn French. I will start writing that novel, break old habits and form new ones (like going to bed before midnight!) and somehow have the most fun ever with the kids. Before you know it, the holidays are over, and you end up shoving those half-started projects aside to make school lunches.

I heard that time goes faster as you get older… perhaps because one day you wake up and a decade has gone by. Or because you have already lived 60 years, so there is less time ahead of you… even the concept of time is wacky, especially if you ask yourself whether it exists purely as a human construct for ordering events past, present and future, or as something of itself. Mmm. Too much existentialism right now. Where’s that coffee?

 

I couldn't resist putting Time by Pink Floyd in here... it's definitely is one of those songs that bring back your youth ;p




The new issue of Hazed will be out tomorrow... can't wait to see the second instalment of Serendipity. I'm feeling a little anxious, hope people will like it :) It's hard writing a column, but I like it! It definately helps to have a great Editor :)

Friday, November 16, 2012

Eclipse

 
http://www.australiangeographic.com.au/journal/clouds-part-for-2012-solar-eclipse-in-north-queensland.htm
Eclipse, Cairns, 2012. (AAP Image/Brian Cassey) 
 
All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy
Beg borrow or steal.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight.
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

Pink Floyd
 
 
 

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

For posterity

I don't want to forget this. In case he becomes a famous author, and Ellen asks me what his first story was about.

And I wish I had written it down when he read it to me, so that I could remember it exactly.


The little crocodile who couldn't find his mum.
 
There was once a little crocodile who couldn't find his mum anywhere. He looked for her and went to a pond. In the pond he saw a frog. The frog scared him so he ran away. Then he found his mum.
 
The End
 
 
I'm pretty sure there was dialogue. And Zeke was young when he typed this out on the computer. I think he was 3. It was definately over a year ago! Maybe he is the famous author to be??
 
 


Saturday, September 29, 2012

In a creepy way

I don't even know how that started, but she was there. And today it is her birthday. I still owe her a story that I was going to write for her featuring the colour yellow, a knife and two names of people she didn't know.. cos THAT would be creepy ;p There is a poem somewhere I wrote for her, and there are always little things that make me grin sardonically to myself... and if she was there, she would think so too.

That is definately one of the things I love about her. She gets me. It really isn't that hard. Some people just don't get basic humour. And in the back of my mind even now I can hear her saying 'Some people just aren't that deep' (to get, that is.. and she would be meaning me).

I'm really sorry I didn't go to your graduation dinner, especially after you delayed it so I would get there.. and sorry for using 'being busy at work all day cos you were graduating' as an excuse. That's pretty shit. And I think I know that really big news you wanted to tell me that time, but didn't cos I can't really keep secrets :) (I have gotten a lot better at that by the way!)

I remember one of my first thoughts when I met Madame JoJo - she was wearing a white tshirt when the uniform was CLEARLY black. I had been there two weeks, I don't even think I was in a proper uniform yet! What was she thinking?

There are special moments we will always remember - I have two words for you Jo.. Snot and Undies. :)

If you know me, you know I am an open book. Jo is like the sealed section you would find in some random cottage craft canadian Cleo type magazine. You know that something is in there worth reading, but whoever owned it before you ruined it, so the pages are stuck together :) Jo is an enigma wrapped in mystery inside something something. There is a whole world there I don't know, but at the same time, she knows everything there is about me.. which is kinda creepy - in a God like way. I'm sure she'll appreciate that. And she gets me.

There are so many things to write here - but Jo needs a whole book to do her justice. So i will just finish with listing the things I love and appreciate about Jo. Happy birthday :)

1. She agrees with me
2. She says 'love you to the moon' and 'bless her little cotton socks'
3. She has a hairy face
4. I'm pretty sure she uses the name Madame JoJo cos she once owned a brothel in London. In fact, from what I have heard, I wouldn't be suprised :)
5. She has crazy like I have crazy.
6. She can be the Hamish.. but I'll always be the Mary.

I'm sure there is more than that.. but Jo is not the only thing I have to do right now.



That's what she said.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Warm

In my cocoon I am warm
my aching mind feels peace.
The anxieties feel prickly but there is no need to perform here.

No one is watching
I stretch my toes and hold my body tight
The fear is beyond sleep
I rejoin the world tomorrow

My heart is numb and my voice rests.
I have nothing to say and no one to watch
I wish I could survive this peace with my memories intact.
Dreams come to heal me,
I'm refreshed by your smile.
Pain doesn't feel so bad afterall

Silence is my pillow
Clouds go by like tears
My cocoon is a pause,
a peace with the Universe