Dear Nicole

I have been with you since before time, in one form of energy or another. I am proud of you, and I love you.

You are destined for greatness, sometimes you don't believe it, but it is true. Everything that has happened to you in your lives, this one, the last one, and the next one, have brought you to now, and you are on the precipice of greatness.

Don't define yourself by your story, you are so much more than that. You have many stories, which you love to share, and they are all part of you - but your book is unwritten. Don't let fear stop you from using your potential. Don't let life get in the way, and if it does, don't forget to come back to your Source.

Close your eyes, envision yourself in that pink loving cricle. Know that you have guides, angels and the energy of the universe within and around you - all you have to do is open yourself up to the messages we send.

All that pain, negativity, bad memories, morbid thoughts, self-doubt, fear, hate, anger, resentment.... they don't belong here. They have no place within your heart and you must remove them from your mind. When ever you feel swept away by them, you need to hang on, stop. Wait for the wind to die down, turn around and take a step in another direction. The more you do this, the less they will come, they will leave you alone.

Inside you is a suitcase full of yuck that you have been carrying around for so long. Open it, clean it, throw it away. Write these things on a piece of paper and burn it - release those things back into the universe. I'm sorry you felt these things, but without them, how would you know goodness? How would you know love? How could you appreciate what you really have?

And you found it. You are on the precipice of understanding - this is the journey that you were born to take - this is the journey you will take your children on. They are pure images of love, images of me, of the Universe. They are your gifts to the world and you are here to guide them.

The best way you can do that is to find peace within yourself. Meditiate. Run. Write. Learn. Love.

You have the power to have the life you have dreamed of. You have seen your dreams and synchronicity and the Universe in action - you know this to be true. Now is the time for you to remember. Now is the time for you to reach to me, to love and trust.

Trust that everything will be ok. Have faith in the Universe.

I love that your favourite poem is Desiderata. YOU ARE a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

I love you. I will always love you. You need to forgive those who have trespassed against you, and forgive yourself for the human things you have done. Keep your thoughts positive.  Manifest that beautiful destiny. Believe.

Go and be Serendipitous, my Darling Girl.

Favourite Youtube Clips

There are a bunch of Youtube clips I love watching... and now I have them all in one place to find easily :) And share with you of course!

Ok, this is Game of Thrones theme acoustic guitar, and I love this clip for two reasons. The first one is that I love the theme song of the show. I love music that moves me... takes me to another place ... whether it is happy, sad, dark or mystical. I love music that makes me want to play music.

The second reason is self-explanatory. Watch the clip ;p

 

 

This is I HAVE YOUR HEART - an animation by Crabapple, Boekbinder, & Batt I have posted this one before, and I still love it. I love the accordion, I love the sentiment in the song. I love the cartoon. In this song I see a search for freedom, for excaping the duldrums of life.. a daydream, a fantasy. Something beckons..  the I find a symbolism in there too - new heart or not, she is either finding the courage to go out on her own, or she has just changed because of the new heart...

 

 

 

 





Jimmy Fallon & Justin Timberlake "History of Rap 2011" ... how awesome is this? You gotta watch it. Jimmy just got more interesting and Justin's got game, baby! Hahaha I was feeling a little sad this morning, but this has perked me right up!

 

 

 

 

I probably shouldn't like this Sweet Brown - Ain't Nobody Got Time for That (Autotune Remix) but its catchy and I reckon she would be fun to know... :)  There are undertones of racism in this clip.. maybe not undertones.. but its so catchy :) Aint nobody got time for that!

 

 



 

 

Yes I am just a wee bit excited about Game of Thrones Season 3 starting soon! And I love violin. At the risk of driving you crazy, here is another Game of Thrones Violin Cover :)

 

And now for an educational video on Jesus the kids will love: Jesus Dance- Family Guy

 

 



 

I love Kraftwerk. I love this song, Das Model. I love the film clip. It cracks me up. They look like they would be fun, or maybe I'm just a strange person.

 

 

 

This one is so cute - the colours ... and the evil :) Its even called The Colors of Evil. Check it out :)

 

 

I can't think of anymore at the moment... but now I have a place to easily find them, I will be back :)

 





Inspired by Serendipity

Inspiration strikes at the weirdest of times. In movies it happens just when you think the hero is going to fail, lose everything and die, and then they get this great idea that saves the day leaving us with a happy ending. For me, it happens while making jam on toast late at night. Or after a marathon YouTube/Facebook session with a crazy friend I haven’t spoken with in ages. 

 Inspiration is what drives us… motivates us. You know it when you feel it – something catches your eye, the line of a song plays around in your head… or you feel strange, sad or happy and have to do something about it. For me, it is poetry or a single sentence that one day might become a story... for others it’s an idea only they can see. The real treasure is the finished product with heart and soul. It’s not about fame or money. It’s about finding yourself and taking delight in your very own creative journey.

Sometimes it doesn’t come so easily. What are we supposed to do then? I hate that sinking feeling, when I’m right on the verge of greatness, and I get distracted… the moment is gone. In the meantime, there is a little angel with a happy picture of a dinosaur, or a giraffe or even a broken clothesline on the cover of my favourite book in eyeliner. Eyeliner? How did they even get in there?

I often turn to Google images for inspiration. I love the stuff on there. As much as random searches are great procrastinating tools, you can find some pretty interesting stuff. And for you and me, I found some tips on how to get inspired that I thought I would share…

Don’t be a Tryhard
It’s true! The harder you try, the more difficult it is to think of something. The frustration and panic and sheer yearning for something fabulous will leave you dead in your tracks. Either that or you will end up as one of those ladies with the immaculate clothes on at the shops, but still wearing slippers. The more you worry, the harder it will be for those great ideas to push through to the ‘a-ha!’ side of your brain… wherever that is. 
 
Get lost in your thoughts
But just not the panicky ones. If you are feeling stuck, get outside, go for a walk. Fresh air will not only make you a healthier person (so they say… how great is the smell of exhaust fumes?) but it will clear your mind, and give you a nice dose of endorphins to send you on your merry way home again… Life, children and housework is much less daunting and intrusive if you can get away for a while – even a 5 minute walk around the block. You will feel more relaxed and ready to conquer your next project. After dinner is made and tomorrow’s lunches packed - of course.

Get rid of life’s little distractions
Although it might help, I don’t mean that you should tie your children to the trampoline along with a bottle of water and a piece of bread. Close that Facebook window! Put the phone away! Better yet, set yourself some time every day or at least a few times a week, with a pencil and a blank piece of paper, clay or fabric or whatever your medium is, and just do it. Don't overthink it. If you get in the habit of practising what you do often, it will come more easily. Creativity is like a muscle, the more you use it, the better it works. 
 
Don’t be afraid to fail
Trust your instincts. Try new things. Do something you've wanted to for a long time, but never have. Overcoming fear or laziness can be very liberating. Meet new people. Share your craft. You only fail when you stop trying and give up. Don’t give up! Put your project aside, and come back to it another day. If you decide it’s no good, and you don’t want to use it.. Don’t discard it. It might be useful one day. Especially if it’s flammable. 
 
Be ready for snap inspiration
Carry a notebook, camera, voice recorder (or these days with technology the way it is, just a phone!) so you will be able to capture or record your fleeting idea in the moment. Scribble a few words, take that picture, and record your sing song voice… anything that will take you to that happy place later  where you thought of something. You can use these ideas or impressions of other things to adapt to your own style. 

Meditate, Man!

Ok, groovers, this might sound a bit far out, but emptying your mind of all your thoughts could actually help, like, bring new ideas in. Seriously though – meditation actually relaxes you and you may be surprised with what emerges. Guided meditations are great for newbies, and YouTube have plenty available… and the great thing about meditation is that you can practise it as you fall asleep, just to get into the swing of things. You like this new age stuff? If you have Tarot or Oracle cards, why not draw one at random? Each card has its’ own symbolism and mythology… and at worst you might have some sort of epiphany!

Hopefully the above tips will actually help. Remember, your art is an expression of you. There is no such thing as bad art. It’s all about perspective. You have your own individual style and the world needs to see it. Get out there and create something inspired!

Find Serendipitous Zenefertiti in Hazed Magazine's latest issue!  I might as well tell you I'm also on Facebook - find me Serendipitous Zenefertiti

a beautiful life

I'm only human :) You are human.

For some reason we may never find out, our souls chose to come here to feel and experience the universal energy on the physical plane. Maybe by becoming human we make the universal light stronger, as we learn and grow and increase in our vibrations. When our souls leave our body, they rejoin the Source and the Universe becomes stronger.

It hurts. But it loves. And you cannot begin to feel, appreciate or understand happiness, joy, contentment, peace, serenity and love... real love, until you have floated down in misery, sadness, physical and emotional pain, regret, fear and mind- numbing elusiveness...  how marvelous are these little trials and tribulations... a tapestry of thoughts and storylines and random smiles and moments of happiness .... shared with someone special who makes your heart feel warm. Peace.

I am writing today to remind you that life is beautiful. Think of it as my new-agey message.  Look around you - find 5 things you are grateful for. What would you do if they were gone? Or didn't happen? Tell that person you love them. Hug an animal. Call an old relative. Think of 5 things you want or need. What can you do about that? Just think about it, or take action to get them? Life moves forward when we run with it. Take charge of your wants and desires. You can do this.

Shit happens. You can see from my last post, the darkness envelopes us all. But that is not the point of our lives. We have the power and the control to leave the darkness. I truely believe that. But then again, I don't know if it is possible for many, many people, consumed by depression, anger, hate, internal torture, madness and insanity. I have learnt that you need to acknowledge your feelings. Express them, release them.. but don't hold on to the negativity. Grow from the release. You become stronger, the Universe shines.

Why do bad things happen? I don't know. Part of me thinks of the whole 'the Universe works in mysterious ways' thing, or that when the door closes a window opens... and when you are so low you cannot scream, it feels like bullshit. I ask myself, what is the point of all this? I understand why we go through things on the physical and emotional level.. but again.. why?

I don't know.

The simple choices we make have a butterfly effect - we are all interconnected. Like broken shards of an old forgotten rainbow, we go along with our lives, thinking that it is only about us, about our loved ones. Our community. But what about when we leave that identity behind? What is left of us? What is our core.. our soul? Divinity?

All I can do is take comfort in all that is good. Remember joy? Love my children. Smell the roses. And sometimes I do forget.

I'm only human. Maybe that is the point.

Embracing darkness

Maybe I shouldnt have made one of my resolutions to be more positive.. to perpetuate positivity in the hope it will make me a happier person.

It isn't.

I'm sick of being positive. I'm not feeling it. I'm feeling the darkness creep in.. ready to envelope me in those murky greys again.

So much shit has happened in the last two weeks and I want to know why. I want to be selfish and ask

"What did I do to deserve this? Haven't I struggled enough?"

How long does the low point last until things feel better again? What is wrong with me?

What is this illusion I've created?

Fuck You. And I mean that. A couple of weeks ago, I sat in a closet on a pagan farm, and wished that you would find peace. You need it. But its not you, its me. WTF?

How long do I have to struggle for? Why bother?

Im trying to blog it out, I want to tell someone. I want to be ok. How can I do everything I want to do, when I feel so weak inside? How can I possibly go on?

Where is that well of hope?

Im sitting here, in my dark place, my tears streaming down my cheeks. My back hurts between my shoulders, I can feel a pain there that makes me shudder.


I think of anti depressants. There is not much point. I think of solutions. They are so out of reach. I think of the near future and its a struggle.

 

 

And then hope starts to sparkle, somewhere in the depths.
It wont always be like this. Really it wont. Somehow, things work out in the end.

But I don't wanna wait till the end to be happy. I want to be happy now.

So I'm trying to modify my thinking. Be positive and all that. Thoughtforms and energy.  I need peace. I need to heal. And I don't see how that can happen. I'm stuck.

I remember once, about 13 years ago, I used to tell myself "I forgive myself for being human." Funny, huh.

And I remind myself, My Soul chose this life. But why? Why do I need to feel such emptiness and pain? I already appreciate the good things.

I guess I need to stop being so bitter and twisted.

Its passed now. I've worn myself out through my tears and self-pity. But it's not even self-pity - Its anger and frustration. Its gone now. The shit is all there. But now Im tired.

I'll still post this though. Its been a while- should put something up :)

The serendipity of Time

I don’t know about you, but I seem to live my life by dates. Christmas, New Years’ Eve, the new school year, Easter, birthdays, school holidays, deadlines for assignments, for bills.. there can even be a countdown to next payday! Sometimes it feels like you’ve just managed to scrape through one thing when the next starts looming over the horizon. Someone needs to schedule some time for a coffee! If you are lucky, then the birthdays in your family are spread out over the year, with nice, even and courteous month long gaps in between. But everyone I know seems to have birthday clusters… ours are all from April - June. Time flies when you are having a life!

I won’t mention the C-word again. You know the one. With that S-guy? With lay-bys collected last minute. Rushing around for two weeks to spend a day with family. The irony is we are supposed to be enjoying the holiday season; the fact is we all get stressed out. You can tell yourself you will be nice to your mother as much as you want, but when she walks in that door knowing best and making sure you know she knows best… That’s when the crazy starts to bubble. And surely I’m not the only one who has been up past midnight, wrapping presents with images of how happy and grateful the kids will be ..only to listen to them argue over who plays with what while you are picking up all the paper a few hours later thinking "Thank God that’s over!"

I hate buying gifts for my partner. Socks and undies are easy. Everyone needs those. Gifts for the family are usually those tins of butter cookies that only appear on the shelves during Christmas. It is hard not to spend every last dollar on presents for the kids – and they are at the age where they are easy to buy for.. But time will take that from me too. It’s the innocence of children that time steals from us. My little man had his heart set on being a Power Ranger when he grew up. I had to be the one to break his heart and confirm that they weren’t real. He was devastated, but after explaining that they were actors and actors get to do really cool stuff, he brightened up – especially when I mentioned ‘Back to the Future’. Though we haven’t reached the subject of time travel yet – so I’m probably going to disappoint him again very soon! It’s sad how time ages us. The excitement and joy that kids feel at Christmastime brings us back to that lost time of wonder where happiness is simple, and infectious!

Time can be so repetitive… which is weird if every moment is a new one. There is nothing more repetitive than New Year’s Resolutions. Einstein might have said, ‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ To be honest, my resolutions for the last 10 years have been to lose weight. Year after year I promise myself that I will do it – and never really have. This year, for the first time, I discovered the ‘fun’ in fun runs, so my resolution next year is to do five fun runs, all courteously spaced out a couple of months apart.

Holidays always make me feel like I have more time than I actually do. At the beginning my mind lights up with possibilities. One day, I really will learn French. I will start writing that novel, break old habits and form new ones (like going to bed before midnight!) and somehow have the most fun ever with the kids. Before you know it, the holidays are over, and you end up shoving those half-started projects aside to make school lunches.

I heard that time goes faster as you get older… perhaps because one day you wake up and a decade has gone by. Or because you have already lived 60 years, so there is less time ahead of you… even the concept of time is wacky, especially if you ask yourself whether it exists purely as a human construct for ordering events past, present and future, or as something of itself. Mmm. Too much existentialism right now. Where’s that coffee?

 

I couldn't resist putting Time by Pink Floyd in here... it's definitely is one of those songs that bring back your youth ;p

The new issue of Hazed will be out tomorrow... can't wait to see the second instalment of Serendipity. I'm feeling a little anxious, hope people will like it :) It's hard writing a column, but I like it! It definately helps to have a great Editor :)